Pain Of Denial
by bloodfangsoflust
Summary: Inuyasha refuses to believe Kagome is dead. A Sequel to Pain of Loneliness.


**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own Inuyasha.

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Actual tears streamed down my face for the first time in years. My heart swells with regret as I think on it. How could she have left me? How could she not have known that I had been searching for her since she'd left? Why did she have to go away? I know that it was my fault. I know that. But how could I have gone so far that she wouldn't even give me a chance to explain?

_Give me a reason to believe that you're gone_

I may have felt her death. I may have heard her last words to me. But I know she can't be dead. Why would she have died? What demon would have forced her into the next realm? Either way, I know she is still alive. She cannot be dead. She always waited for me before she left. She always was patient and kind; I just couldn't tell her how I felt, because Kikyou was technically alive.

_I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong_

Kagome's scent is still in the air, no matter how far I travel. Nobody else I know can sense her, but I know it's there. I'm not crazy. I have never been crazy. I know what I smell. I know what I sense. And I am absolutely certain that she is still there. I just have to find her. I've been following her for so long. I want her to come back to me. I want to tell her I love her. I want to tell her-

_Moonlight on the soft brown earth it leads me to where you lay_

I can feel her still here. I can hear each of her breaths. I can sense her heart beating. She is still alive, I can feel it. I follow her scent by moonlight. It's always stronger then. I may be able to find her. No. I will find her. There is nothing and no one that will keep me from finding her. I will get her back. I will travel alone by night- always by night- and I will find her. And I will hold her forever.

_They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home_

They are trying to tell me she's dead. But I know the truth. I'm the only one that can see it, but that just means they'll have more to be sorry for when I find her. When I find her, I'll go back and find them. I'll take her home and kill those that told me she was dead. She is not dead, even if only I know it. If she were dead, how could I still smell her, sense her? How could I follow the beat of her heart?

_I will stay forever here with you, my love_

I will never let her out of my sight once I find her. There is nothing and no one that will tear me from her side ever again. I was wrong, I can see that now. Telling her I was wrong is what is going to kill me. How does one go about saying something that sounds so dangerously close to the forbidden five-letter word? I'm not sure how yet, but I will find a way. Somehow, I will tell her everything I should have told her before she left.

_The softly spoken words you gave me_

I heard what you said to me there before my connection with you suddenly disappeared. I want so much to hear you say those words again. No one but my mother has ever said them to me. I don't know how I can ever repay you the kindness you have given me, even when I was a complete ass to you. I want you back, Kagome. I will find you; I swear it on the grave of my mother.

_Even in death our love goes on_

You are not dead, Kagome. I will find you and we will show them how wrong they were. I have to tell you the words I should have spoken from the moment I knew they were true. I have to say the forbidden five-letter word. I have to beg like the dog that I am for forgiveness I know I don't ever deserve to receive. Even so, I have to try. But all this cannot come to pass without first finding you.

_Some say I'm crazy for my love, ooh my love_

They all think I'm insane for believing you to still be alive. Even my brother thinks it is so. He is allowing me to pursue this goal, though. Why would he allow such a thing if he assumed it to be a hopeless effort? It matters not, I suppose. My father would have allowed it; perhaps my brother is playing the role he has spurned for so many years. Can one hope?

_But no bonds can hold me from your side, ahh my love_

You always did want us to get along, Kagome. Even after he tried to kill you. Why would you sympathize with a murderer? Ah, but you always were one to forgive and forget those that had done harm against you. You hated forever only what was done against others. Even Kikyou could not fathom how you could hate when that emotion was given back to her.

_They don't know that you can't leave me_

Kikyou's scent is gone from this world now. Your disappearance forced her to crumble. I don't quite understand how that happened. All I know is that she is dead. Which means your soul is complete now. Kikyou is no longer here to anger you. I don't understand that part of you, either. Why should she cause such anger and revulsion in one so pure and compassionate as you? Because of Kikyou, you are alive.

_They don't hear you singing to me_

I can hear you calling to me softly in the moonlight, Kagome. It is your voice I follow beyond the call of the wind. I will search for you until the end of the Earth if I must, but I will find you. No one will ever convince me that you are indeed dead, because unless I see your cold body, I will not accede. They are wrong. All of them are wrong. I am right in this. I have failed you before, on countless occasions. I can't allow that to happen again.

_I will stay forever here with you, my love_

I will search beyond the Veil of Eternity. I will make you mine, Kagome. I have to prove my emotions for you are more real than anything I've experienced before. There is no other that could ever make me feel the way you do. I have to express this to you, in the only way I know how. I am a demon, and I will make you my mate. I will become yours as readily as I will make you mine.

_The softly spoken words you gave me_

You have given me hope that perhaps I am more than they think I could ever be. Could it be so that I am perfect as a half-demon, as you tell me? Could I not need my full-demon powers to be flawless? You have saved my life, Kagome, on many occasions. There were times when I couldn't think straight, was ready to die. But then you were there, making me feel right again.

_Even in death our love goes on_

I refuse to assent to your death. You are still alive, somewhere. I know you are. I will find you and kill the one that made you run off in the first place. I will murder the one that kept you from me. I will…. I will find you all on my own. You are the only one that cares about me anymore. You are my escape. There is comfort in your arms, and I intend to bury myself into them.

_And I can't love you any more than I do_

It is imperative that I find you, Kagome. You have to hear my words to you. I will revive you from your imprisonment, and you will finally be mine. Kikyou is not here. Naraku has disappeared. Sango, Miroku, and Shippou are gone away. Sesshoumaru will not interfere. There are none who would oppose our union. It has become obvious how I feel for you: if I didn't feel deeply, I wouldn't search for you.

_I will stay forever here with you, my love_

If I shouldn't find you, what then? I cannot live out the remainder of my lonely life without you by my side, Kagome. Your name is the sweetest thing that ever did touch my mind. I need you, Kagome. Without you, I have no meaning. Without you, I am empty. I must ask you to spend the remainder of your life by my side, and then some. I will make you immortal, and we will live together forever.

_The softly spoken words you gave me_

Your final spoken words to me convince me you are there, somewhere, waiting for me. You always waited before. Why should this time be any different? It shouldn't. You are still there, waiting for me. I just wish you could help me find you. Following your scent by the Moon is not the easiest thing in the world to do. I need a hint. A sign. Anything you can give me would help, Kagome.

_Even in death our love goes on_

Inuyasha stood absolutely silent, a full moon rising at his back. His nose twitched desperately, trying in vain to find the faintest trace of Kagome's lingering scent. His golden eyes were clouded with exhaustion, and his silver hair was in disarray. Nothing the others had said would convince him. The knowledge of Kagome's death had stabbed his heart- so, naturally, he refused it. There was nothing he would not do to find Kagome. Kagome, his love, his life. Kikyou had crumbled to dust the moment Inuyasha's link with Kagome had snapped. He had known, he had rejected. Inuyasha had seen Kikyou's ashes, or he would not have believed that either.

_And I can't love you any more than I do_

Naraku stood silently in the air somewhere above Inuyasha's head, smiling faintly down at the hanyou. His trick had been perfect- but something felt wrong. Inuyasha was doing as he had known he would. Kikyou, the bitch Onigumo had lusted after, was gone. The lust was as cold as her ashes. But something wasn't right. Why was there an emptiness where his heart should be? Why did he feel a loss so all-consuming that he could think of nothing but it? Naraku drifted back in the direction of his castle, pondering the vast gap within him.


End file.
